


You dont have to say you love me

by ElanSnow21



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, M/M, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:33:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25366888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElanSnow21/pseuds/ElanSnow21
Summary: Is sixth year in watford and Penny told Simon about Trixie and that she is dating a girl now, anyway he can't stop to think about it, he is Agatha's boyfriend now but there is something he can't stop to think about it. He have no parents so he have this feeling about not being sure about what is love because Penny say's a lot of things about Micah and how its releated to hers parents relatioship. He don't know what is the feeling, even with Penny is diferent. So he want to talk with somebody who understand him, Baz.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	You dont have to say you love me

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!!! i dont know what is this. Sometimes is confuse all this feelings and when you dont have nobody helping you is matter of time for you to explode. Simon have not parents just Penny and Agatha but what is love if you havent feel it before.  
> You are alone and for Simon is easy just not think about it but he have to tell somebody this, he need somebody to undertand him. And who better than Baz.  
> i never finish one, so please be kind.🥺💙💛

**Baz  
**

  
It’s early in the morning I am adjusting my tie, Simon is in his part of the room buttoning his shirt.  
“Do you know Thrixie have a girlfriend now? I mean I know you don’t care but I didn’t expect that” Simon says

"Not everybody is straight, Snow" i turn around to look at him "besides it was obvious"

"I dont know, i mean how i was suppose to know? how do you even know if you are gay?"

"i thought you already know that" i say making a challenging smile

"HA HA HA so funny Baz its becuase i am sissy"  
i take my things and walk to the door "its something you just know, like how do you know you are a wizard? its in you"

"I didnt know i was a wizard" he says walking to the door "is something that is in you since you born, right? Being a wizard" He take his sword. The magic is around his hand.

"Yes" i open the door deciding to finish this, Simon is already over me "i dont want to talk about your magic mess, Snow" he punch me by the back.  
I turn around and look at Simon, he is too close, with the sword in the hand, he is looking at me with that stupid face.

"Anathema" i said giving him a little punch in the each of his shoulder, he takes a step back.  
He still looking at me, i should have to turn around and leave him with his stupid face.

"Snow, even if you didnt know you were a wizard the magic was in you all along" i look at the sword in his hand and then to his face "its not easy but you just know, its about feelings"

"What if you were wrong? what if you just dont feel atracted to anybody? what if..."  
  
"GOD! Snow you have a girlfriend its suppose you have feelings, you must know what feelings are" 

I look up at him, he is ruffling his hair.

The hair wrap around his fingers and get lost.  
  
"But... i mean... what if you ont really know what is the difference beteween loving someone or not?... because you dont really know how it feel? when... when you dont know what its the feeling?”

  
When nobody have been loving you like that and you just dont know how is it. I used to know how it feel, i was just a kid, i cant remember how it was. When i was normal, when i used to love everybody and everythig, when i had everything, when my mom was here.  
_I dont know, Simon but let me show you._  
You just have this feeling but you didnt know if is how the love feels.  
You dont know if is just the need of someone to love you.  
  
I am looking at Simon’s eyes, his blue eyes full of magic. 

"Baz?" he sets a hand in my shoulder "you know what i mean" he started making circles with his thumb

I know. "No" i moved my shoulder abrouptly "you dont even are a wizard, you are a mess, you are the one who dont understand"

I walk away because i am weak, and i couldnt look at his face without wanting to kiss him.  
Without telling him that i understand.

I pass away for the room to walk in the camp.

I don’t want to be in the same room as Simon.  
  


I take a walk just looking at the grass, i take an apple from my schoolbag. I always have one because is the only thing I can ate in front of people.

My fangs dig into the apple and I rip a pice off.  
  
What is wrong with you Simon Snow?

What is wrong with you Basil? I don’t even care about his relationship with Agatha, I don’t care if he is gay or not, I don’t care if he is the worst wizard, I don’t care if he doesn’t know himself.  
  


**Simon**

I thought he would understand.  
  
I mean, he lost his mom. I don’t know when but I think he was just a kid because the Mage told me he had been the headmaster for like thirteen years or something.

I need to talk with somebody who understand what I feel.

Penny wouldn’t understand but she will act like she did.

Agatha is my girlfriend how I will explain her that I don’t know what is like being in love or to be loved.

I take mis things and close the door behind me, is a little cold out but I am already out and I can’t wear another sweater.

Penny is already siting in a table eating something, I sit with her.

“Simon you are late, why?” She give me a plate with five scones “I thought you were sick or something”

”I was... I was fighting with Baz like everyday”  
I take her cup of tea “just like always”

She is talking about something and I am not paying attention, I am looking for Baz but he is not here, he is not with Niall and Dev, he is not watching me with his raised eyebrow.

”Simon” Penny screams in my ear “you are not paying attention, where is Agatha?”

Fuck!! Agatha! I look at Penny “ahh! Penny! Don’t do that” I move away of her taking a scone.

”where is Agatha?” She takes my scone “what happen Simon? Okay?”

”Yeah! Yes! I just forgot it” i say standing up taking my bag and another scone “i am suppose to be helping Agatha” i hold the scone with my mouth 

“What? With what?” She stands up with me.

”study” 

“Study? You can’t focus in a normal conversation” she take her things and walk away “you should take a walk out” 

i did it.   
I like to take walks in the camp.

I eat my last scone with the wind in my face, is cold and the grass is wet.

I don’t want to think.

My first class is in ten minutes i am thinking about not going, is no like i would learn something. I am mess but i try not to think about even if Baz reminds me that everyday. Fuck Baz! He is always trying to fuck my life, he is always plotting with Niall and Dev, i know it because the way he look me like i am the biggest idiot, like "what is wrong with you?". He is always aroun, in the room, in my classes (in all my classes), in the football pitch, I mean he is my roomate but he is literally everywhere. He walks the halls like the deserves all the attention. I know he hate me, i know we are enemies (even if i don't know why), he is the smart one and i am the dork mess, I am the worst choosen one. 

I don't want to think about him, about the fact that he is and will be better than me, i don't want to think about this morning. I just thought he would understand, i mean... i thouth he would know what is like being alone. He is probably not so alone, he has his crazy aunt and his father but, i mean... about his mother.

The Mage is clossets thing to father i have but even if it's that what i think i've never know what is like. I don't ussually worry much about it but that doesn't mean it's not always in my head.

My feet are cold and i decide to go to class.

This day sucks. Baz was in class as always (he would never miss) Penny tell me says that we can eat out like a picnic, iknow she says that becouse of me, because i need a distrction but it's just like the other days, i am mad with Baz and i try not to think about it.

We eat and talk about class, Agqtha asked me if i was okay and i said yes. We lie in the wet grass and talk a little more.

I have the room for my own now, Baz is not here and i have to do some homework so it's okay for me. I can eat anything without Baz complaining, i am so tired.

The room smells like Baz even without him, like flowers but not sweet. 

I lie in my bed with a arm over my face covering my eyes, i close my eyes, take a last deep breath and then i fell asleep.

I wake up in the middle of the night or something, is really late. I look at the next bed, Baz is not here. I get up rubbing my eyes and calling the sword, i fell aslep with my clothes, what time is it? why the hell is Baz out?.

I take my sweater and get out looking for Baz. _If i find him doing something so bad._

It's too late and the lights are already off, so i only can see what my sword and hand full of magic reaches to light. I walk to the tower but the Mage would be bussy so i walk to the catacompts ( the last year i used to follow him to here all the time)

Iam tired of this, i am tired of being his enemy, i am tired of being an idiot and i dont want to act like nothing happened this morning.

I walk down to the catacompts, is more dark here, something smell so bad here.

I stmble upon a rat carcass. "Fuck!" i cant hear anything but my footsteps.

"Baz?" I shout looking at my sword "Are you here? its late" 

I hear another footstepst 

"You have a problem, Snow" i heard that deep and bored voice

"Baz? what are you doing here?"

"I thougt it was obvious, i am plotting" 

I can't see anythins so i take my wand out to spell something 

"No please, i dont want to die, let me" i see a little light that becomes bigger and shows Baz's face in the dark. His face looks turns white to orange.

**Baz**

I was here just not to deal with Simon, just to not deal with his stupid questions. I was waiting to all the lights turns off and then i canwal to our room and realize that Simon is already sleeping so i can look him for a while.

I thought it wouldn't work, but i didn't think Simon himself would come here when he realized my absence. H e is here now, i can see him even in the dark.

I am holding a flame in my hand, he walks closser and then stops. His hair is messy as always, messy boy.

"What are you doing here, Snow? Do you have one of those stupids questions? Because i am tired and i don't have time to explain everything about the world and..."

"Why are we enemies?" His sword desapear an walk more closser "I mean... i don't think i hate you and i know iam a idiot but i really don't hete you"

"Well... that's because i hate you and you always get mad of everything" My hand fall a little 

"Do you?" He still walking closser "Are you sure? Because... i mean..."

"Snow.." i take stepts back "I know you have not parents and i am not like you"

"No, Baz, you are the one whou would understand, you are not that different as you think" his eyes are focus on mine even if he cants see my face well "You can't walk away and not look back as you deserves all the attention, you can't hate me just like that, you can't be the villian, you are not the villian, you are my roomate, you are just a boy like me"

I am already in the wall and he is in front at me, frowning me, looking me with those blue eyes, pointing me with a finger. He is so mad. 

I hold the flame between us.

I take out my wand and point to his chest, he keeps looking me. 

"Explain me why i am like you?" i say putting out the flame

"Because your mother, because you know what is like to don't know or not be sure about love" he stops and look me with a smile "you don't what love is because you cant remember it, because you lose somebody"

He leans towards me smiling, my wand is in his chest.

"Kill me if you hate me like that, finish this" his hands are on mine

Fuck you, Snow. You can't be this closser and talk about feelings and love like that. We can't be in the dark alone with you looking at me and smiling. I can't.

He is closing his eyes and leaning over me, he is kissing me.

He is soft and warm, his hands slide down my arms to my shoulders and the nape of my neck. Simon Snow is kissing me.

My wand falls and my hand are on his chest, his chest is more warm than his hans, _you are not that different._ I ma losing my mind in his soft lips. My hands slide in his shirt to the buttons, he takes me by the back and pushes me towards him. I set my hands on his chest under his shirt.

He still kissing me soft. He is good at this, he is perfect at this.

He gives me a push and our lips part "I told you" he says smiling

"Shut up" i am giggling "We have to get out of here" i push him away

"Sure" he takes a step back with me in his arms "That's what i mean, Baz" i love the way he says my name now

"Sure, you dork" i am smiling, i am smiling for him. 

He leaves my back and adjusts his shirt. I take my wand off the floor and put it in my pants bag.

We walk to our room together, all the lights are off and nobody can see us. I can see Simon's hair moves in the wind.

When we are already in our room Simon turn the lights on and can see the mees in his side of the room. I lie in my bed and Simon seats on the end, looking at me. I give him a kick "Get away of my bed" i close my eyes

"My turn to look at you when you sleep" i feel him slide on my side "I don't wnat to be your enemie anymore" he sets his head on my chest

I am smiling again.

"I've never want to be" my hand slides to his hair "That was me flirting" his hair curls in my fingers.

"You are not good at something, woow!" he laughts "Basilton Pitch can't flirt" 

"I can flirt" i laught "is just a different way" his leg moves over mine "I was... I am in love with you" He didn't speak "And it's okay ifyu want to be my enemie tomorrow, i will still loving you"

"WHAT! NO" he raises his head and torn his face to me "I want this... I want you, with me, smiling and laughting, looking at me like this"

"I am just trying to say that... you don't have to say you love me, i understand..."

"I love you Baz, i love to be your enemie but i love this more" he takes my face with one warm hand "I don't want to act like this has never happened"

"Okay" i could tell him about Agatha, about Penny and all of this but i like this too and i don't want to make a big deal. I am tired. I want to fall asleep with Simon in my arms. I want his wam, his soft kisses, his arms in my body, his head on my chest, his smiles and his freckles. I want him like this. 

We fall asleep togheter, with the window open, with our uniforms but even with the cold wind i feel warm.


End file.
